its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Success! We fucked roommates!
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize