you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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