if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
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Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
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