remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
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I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
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What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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