Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
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Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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