Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
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The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
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That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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