why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
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These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
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She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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