I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
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The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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