I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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