I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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