Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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