ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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