Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
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I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
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My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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