oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
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