apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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