mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize