absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize