Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
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The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
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Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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