You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Two words: nipple clamps
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