my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
honey bunches of taint.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
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GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
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I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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