Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
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he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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