Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
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Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
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She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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