she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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