Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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