Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
bring money and cleavage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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