Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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