so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
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Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
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I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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