Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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