So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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