Four minutes until I can fart!
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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