I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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