I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
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I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
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No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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