I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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