I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize