I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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