my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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