My underwear smells like fireworks.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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