I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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