Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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