we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
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My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
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So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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