This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize