At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize