Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
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I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
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Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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