I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Is that strawberry winking at me??
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize