Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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