If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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