ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
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I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
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I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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