I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize