your parents love me but you hate me
Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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