Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
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After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
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I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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